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[truthisvicious]

Lucien

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[compellingstatement]

Trying to get myself out of it.

[truthisvicious]

I'll bear that in mind.

[compellingstatement]

[He grits his teeth.]

Tell me what you need.
Please.

[truthisvicious]

You do like to rush, don't you?
You said to let you know, and I will.

[compellingstatement]

[The guilt is eating at him, and this is frustrating.]

Do you have a contract yet?
I could send you food.
Do your shopping.

[truthisvicious]

No.

First you say you're in my debt and that I should ask you for what I need.
Then you start making suggestions.
Do I get a say or not?

[compellingstatement]

[He grits his teeth harder.]

Of course you have a choice.
I want you to have a choice.

[truthisvicious]

Then don't try to put yourself in my debt and immediately try to find ways to get yourself back out.
I didn't ask you for anything.
You came to me.

[compellingstatement]

I'm not putting myself in your debt because I want to be here.
I got you hurt.
I'm trying to do something to compensate for that.
And yes, I realize there's no possibility of equivalent exchange.
Apart from helping you with some sort of scheme and taking the brunt of the damage from it.
I didn't think you'd have any of those in your head at the moment.
Do correct me if I'm wrong.

cw: brief description of internal injuries

[truthisvicious]

Oh, I have so very much in my head at the moment, Archivist.
But none of it need concern you just yet.

But you did get me hurt.
You got me killed.
Make no mistake there: had the rescue not happened, I would have succumbed to those wounds.
I'm not sure what all the broken ribs were poking, but it was something.
Tasting blood on every breath for days.
At least I got the chance to die on my own terms as much as I could.

[compellingstatement]

[It's a like he's just swallowed and icy stone that sinks to the pit of his stomach. He'd known Lucien had died, of course. He'd seen the tiefling's body in the flight, Known that he was dead. But hearing that what he'd done was the reason... Jon's just glad this is text.]

I get it.
I owe you a lot.

[truthisvicious]

What do you want, Jon?

[compellingstatement]

['To not feel guilty,' is an accurate, but unacceptable answer.]

For you to be all right.

[truthisvicious]

I'm fine.
Hale and whole.

[Possibly whole. He thinks he's whole, or as whole as he's been since arriving. There's no way to be certain, is there? How many pieces of himself can he lose and still hold together?]

[compellingstatement]

I wasn't talking entirely about the physical.
The Ceaseless Watcher is back in my dreams.
I assume it's the same for your Somnovem?

[truthisvicious]

oh yes
they came trickling back the moment I woke in the cave

[compellingstatement]

[On the one hand, they're awful. On the other, Jon knows what it's like to have something like that simply cut out of a person.]

Do you feel like you're a different person when they're with you?